Of Loss and Renewal

Several months ago, a dear friend lost his beloved dog – his companion of 15 years. A new puppy is about to arrive in his life, and he feels torn. Despite his excitement and joy, it feels like a betrayal of the one who has passed.

He asked me how he could get past the conflicted feelings, and I replied.

“There is only one Love, and all the love we feel is part of it. So, when we open our hearts to another companion animal, we take nothing away from the ones we’ve loved before. We are simply saying ‘yes’ to life, and, in so doing, we allow ourselves to continue living in the flow of Love, just in a different form. It is all One.”

His new baby is now at home with him and they are bonding. It takes courage to love again in any context, but the rewards are great.

* * * * *


Still Waters – A Mindful Meditation on YouTube

It continues to be a stressful year for everyone. Many are struggling with isolation, and depression, and anxiety, unable to see an end to the COVID situation.

When we can’t change circumstances, all we can do is change our response to those circumstances; and one of the best ways of doing so, is to return to the present moment – to become mindful – stopping the wheels turning for a little while and allowing the mind-body to rest.

This short, ten-minute guided meditation features beautiful images and soothing music. It takes you on a journey of peace, and in those few minutes each day, you can train your mind to let go of negative thoughts and worries, and build resilience for the months ahead.

I hope you will find it enjoyable and helpful, and wish you well as we journey together towards a brighter future.


Go Gently – A Moment of Mindfulness

This short video reminds us to slow the pace of life, let go of anxiety, and enjoy the moment.


Somatic Therapy


Many of us are self-isolating to protect everyone’s health, and for those who are accustomed to a lot of social interaction – the extroverts among us – the open-ended nature of the COVID situation rapidly becomes exceedingly difficult.

I’m seeing increased signs of anxiety on social media, often allied with the collapse of regular routines when people are either laid off or working from home, so I’ve put together a brief podcast and a blogpost to offer some strategies that will not only help you to cope, but, hopefully, to do well and emerge at the end of the tunnel in good shape.

Here’s an outline of what I’ll discuss.

The importance of routine
Physical and mental wellbeing
Listening to your body

So, to begin, I’m going to talk about the importance of routine.

It’s remarkably easy to fall into unhealthy habits when you’re at home day after day. Lolling around in pyjamas, sleeping in, or taking too many unscheduled naps, sitting up till the early hours binge watching or gaming – all of these can contribute to depression and anxiety .

I’m not suggesting that you should leap out of bed at 6am and dress in your work clothes, but it’s important to get up at roughly the same time each day, do your morning bathroom thing, and dress in something comfortable. It doesn’t matter whether it’s clean sweats or your favorite casual clothes: simply getting dressed helps your mind to differentiate between night and day, helping to provide a sense of normality in abnormal times. 

It’s amazing how easy it is to allow personal hygiene to suffer, especially when you’re feeling depressed and, even more particularly, when there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight to the situation. But self-care has never been more crucial , so even if you don’t feel like it, make the effort and you’ll feel much better. 

Have a decent breakfast, make your bed, and wash the dishes. These seem like trivial details but, in common with all aspects of a routine, they contribute to the structure of your day — and this will become increasingly important as time goes on.  Similarly, go to bed at a reasonable time and encourage good sleep habits, because quality sleep is of vital importance for the immune system.

This brings us to those other important aspects of physical and mental wellbeing – exercise and nutrition.

Depression and boredom will encourage us to eat empty carbohydrates, because our society offers these as reward foods. They’re addictive, and they trigger the release of certain chemicals in the brain which make us feel better temporarily. So, balancing your diet is critical in order to avoid sugar spikes and piling on excess weight, not to mention rebound depression. 

By all means, allow yourself treats, but make sure the bulk of your daily food intake is nutritious. This is also important to help ward off other illnesses because a healthy immune system depends on good nutrition. 

But all the good nutrition in the world won’t make a difference if you become sluggish, gain weight, and lose muscle tone. Daily walks, if you’re able to go out, will keep you fit and elevate your mood. If circumstances or bad weather prevent this, then work out to a video. There are plenty of these online suited to all ages and levels of fitness. Build this into your routine and you’ll see the benefits in a matter of days. 

And perhaps one of the most important aspects of self-care is looking after your mental health.

It’s perfectly natural to feel anxious and in low spirits but there is a lot that we can do to offset the effects of our responses to isolation. 

We’ve already mentioned routine, nutrition and exercise, but we also need to keep our minds active and avoid boredom and a tendency to dwell on the situation.

Everyone’s circumstances are different, some people have adequate financial resources, while others will be struggling. But having an interest you can pursue —whether it be some kind of artistic pursuit, reading books, rationalising your thimble collection, or simply watching interesting videos online ­ having something to look forward to each day will make a considerable difference.  

Google can become your best friend! You can make a list of things you had always wanted to find out about. I know someone who has an interest in ceramics and compiled a list of videos from around the world. Watching these stimulated an interest in other art forms and now she makes notes about places that she wants to visit once the isolation is over. 

There’s no need to be rigid about timing, but build your interest into your schedule to allow for the pleasure of anticipation. I know that sounds funny, but you’d be surprised at the importance we attach to insignificant details when our lives are restricted in any way. 

Reach out to others. Email your friends, talk online, be aware of those who might be feeling very isolated because they don’t have family. Thinking of others helps us to stop focusing on our own frustrations and boosts endorphins in the giver and the receiver.

But be aware that many people are manifesting their anxiety in anger, irritability or emotional withdrawal. Try not to rise to the bait, but also make sure you protect yourself. Don’t offer advice, however well-meaning, unless asked for it: just listen, and if someone is very upset and you don’t know what to say, just say exactly that: “I don’t know what to say, and I wish I could make it better, but I’m here for you.” Often that’s all that’s needed – someone to bear witness to our pain.

Lastly, pay attention to what your own body is telling you.

Stress can cause headaches, digestive upsets, muscle pains and strains and a totally bizarre range of symptoms. These always seem to target our most vulnerable spots, so it you’re someone with back problems, you can be sure the stress of isolation is likely to target that area. So pay attention to posture and your back exercises.

If you find you’re getting a somatic response, that’s to say, physical symptoms of stress, allow yourself to sit quietly, breathing gently, and listen to the sounds around you. Become aware of all the sensations in your body – your feet on the floor, your thighs on the chair. Acknowledge your discomfort and don’t resist it. Allow it some space and you’ll find it becomes less uncomfortable. By all means, take any analgestics you need if in pain, but by lowering the anxiety about your symptoms, you improve the symptoms themselves.

Same with panic attacks. Running on the spot helps with the fight or flight response. Regulate your breathing and, once the worst is over, use the mindful practice I outlined above, to help your mind and body return to normal.

If you’re experiencing panic, severe depression, or other distressing symptoms, reach out for help. We’re all in this together – we all need support – and help is out there.

Stay safe and stay well.

Somatic Therapy

The Role of Spirituality in Healing and Wholeness

Over the years of working with my therapy clients, I have observed the importance of a sense of place in the universe, of the meaning of life, for a good therapeutic outcome.

Since the late 1980s I have provided spiritual guidance in a variety of contexts, with clients drawn from the Christian, Buddhist, Jewish and Hindu religions, as well as unaffiliated forms of spirituality.

I believe it is time to shift the focus of my work – to foreground the spiritual dimension – for in creating a sense of meaning, we forge the foundations of healing and wholeness. This enables us to understand our processes with greater clarity and gain deeper insights into the source of our suffering, while offering a path towards greater peace.

Somatic Therapy


I have released a podcast which is the first in a series relating to management of depression and anxiety, and in which I discuss the role of diet and its importance for mental health.
It features recipes available for download (click on “Recipes for Mental Health” on menu above) and my music ‘Ashi No Ko‘ *

You can download the podcast here

* Ashinoko is a beautiful lake situated in Hakone, Japan. I was inspired to compose this song after visiting the region and standing beneath the red torii gate in the photograph.

Somatic Therapy


How do we re-establish a sense of balance and overcome the effects of disaster saturation on our nervous systems in these days of the 24 hour news cycle?

We are bombarded with bad news. Fires, flood, famine, terrorism, racism, mass murders, horrific violence, poverty, homelessness, violence against women and minorities, political corruption and injustice, dire warnings about the global economy, and so much more. There is always something to claim our attention and increase our feelings of helplessness in the face of overwhelming suffering and danger. Depression is now at unprecedented levels, and many report feelings of compassion fatigue and overwhelm.

People tell me they are now living in a state of constant anxiety, and this is not only those who spend all day watching the news cycle or combing social media for information. Anyone who is sensitive to the zeitgeist – the spirit of the times – will feel the tension in the air, sometimes subliminally because they sense the anxiety in the affect of those around them, sometimes because everyone’s conversation seems more negative than usual.

The physical effects are manifold. Increased stress hormone production results in mood swings, indigestion, sleep difficulty, reduced or hyper immune function, blood pressure issues, and a host of other symptoms.

So how do we overcome this trend in our daily lives and press the reset button to re-establish calm and a sense of wellbeing?

The answers seem obvious. Talk about something else! Turn off the TV, phone, computer! Limit your exposure to violent entertainment: movies, TV programs, gaming. These feed the angst. Just as we are what we eat, we are what we choose to take into our minds. Overindulgence in unhealthy physical or mental ‘food’ will have negative consequences.

But this advice isn’t enough. Many of us have a technology addiction and will find ourselves reverting to old habits. Furthermore, many of the people with whom we interact on a daily basis will be caught in this cycle of negativity.

One of the fundamental precepts I apply to my work as a therapist is this maxim: if we take something away, we need to replace it with something better. And that ‘something better’, in this case, consists of several physical and mental activities designed to lower anxiety and combat negative thoughts.

  • Meditation, especially walking meditation, helps to bring us back into the present moment. When practised regularly, it provides a baseline of calm to which we can readily return.
  • Hobbies which absorb our attention offer our minds a welcome respite. Painting, pottery, weaving, spinning, collage, textile art, woodwork, photography! Make your own list! I have a client who took up knitting and likens it to meditation.
  • Exercise, A brisk walk or a run or a work-out builds mental and physical resilience.
  • Join a choir or dance group. In many cultures around the world, depression and anxiety are linked to lack of music or contact with the earth.
  • Potter about in the garden or tend your pot plants if you have any, or even join a local community garden.
  • As Joseph Campbell said, “follow your bliss”.  You know what brings you joy and, if you’ve somehow forgotten, try to remember what you loved doing when you were a child, before the world intruded on your dreams.

In other words, find an activity which absorbs you, is enjoyable, and reduces your exposure to the cares of the world.  This is not to say you shouldn’t be involved and aware of what is happening, but it’s about balance and sound mental hygiene.

The world is changing and we are changing with it. How we respond will determine our ability to cope.

* * * * *

Somatic Therapy Talk Therapy

Achieving a Successful Therapeutic Outcome

From time-to-time, someone will ask me, “what is the most important factor in achieving a successful therapeutic outcome?” and I will always reply, “the quality of the relationship between the therapist and the client.”

There are many different therapeutic methods, many of which achieve good results. But regardless of the type of therapy you choose, it is the relationship – the feeling of connection between therapist and client – that will make the greatest difference.

Therapy takes you through many different stages as you work through your issues. Vulnerability, anxiety, fear, shame, embarrassment: these are all emotions we might feel when baring our soul to a stranger. Will this person judge me? Will she think less of me if I tell her my deepest secrets? Will she provide a safe container for my story so that I can gain a greater understanding of myself and change the things I need to change?

While you need your therapist to be honest with you and help you to identify the obstacles in your way, you need to feel safe. You need to feel that you are accepted without judgement, that your well-being is important, and that you are genuinely cared about. There must be a feeling of connection, an understanding that you are truly being heard and understood, in order for there to be trust. In order for there to be change.

This is, in all senses, the heart of therapy – the quality of the relationship, the knowledge that you are valued, and that your therapist is committed to helping you achieve the best outcome.


Somatic Therapy

Memories of a Retreat

retreat 1

“Oh, you’re going on a retreat!  How relaxing!”  

How often do we hear this comment when we tell others where we are going?

A retreat can be many things – illuminating, boring, restful, confronting – and all of these rolled into the one day – but it can seldom be described as relaxing.  Time spent alone permits the inner turmoil to swim into view; dropping into the silence, with no escape from the issues that have stubbornly hidden themselves beneath the activity of everyday life.

It is challenging, painful and exhilarating.  The way forward seems so much clearer, and yet there is the lurking fear that once life has returned to its normal round, all that appeared to be self-evident may be swept away by the routines of the everyday.

For everyone who undergoes this process of quiet reflection, of withdrawing from the world to contemplate, to listen and to wait, the experience will be different.  It would serve no purpose to tell you of the toils of my sojourn and what they revealed in my own life; but what I would like to share is a simple exercise which arose spontaneously one sunny afternoon

A labyrinth is set out in a grove of trees, its pathway delineated by large, white pebbles.  At intervals, someone has dropped faux stones like tiny gems in pale, celadon green.

This time, as I pace the outermost reaches of the path, I notice that some of the stones have fallen completely outside the boundaries.

I pick up one of the escapees and walk on.  Some minutes later, I find another, directly in the centre of the path.  Not wishing it to be trodden into the soil, I pick it up.  Finally, I approach the centre of the labyrinth.  One of the stones I had placed there on my previous walking meditation has fallen to the ground.  I pick it up.

Holding the three stones, I make my way slowly back to the entrance, ruminating, as I retrace my steps, on the significance of what I have found.

Each stone, although the shapes are irregular, is essentially identical to the others in substance and texture.  Each is bound in relation to the whole, to the labyrinth, the only variable being its location.

It seems to me that they are metaphors for our inner humanity – our spiritual sense.  Some are drawn to the centre, some languish on the path, awaiting a force that will impel them forward, others put themselves outside the journey that draws us to the heart of Being.  But we are all somewhere in relation to one another and the journey – and we are all a part of the Whole.

I feel tempted to take them with me, as a reminder of what the labyrinth has taught me, to keep them in my room until I leave the monastery – but I throw them back.  I realise that we cannot cling to moments like these.  They manifest unasked, much as a spring wells up from a subterranean river through a fissure in the rock .  We cannot hold onto the droplets that gather rainbows in the sunshine – we need only watch them play.